When Lovers wait too long to ask for help, the relationship may be beyond repair. The sooner help is sought, the better chance there is of recovering, saving and actually strengthening the relationship. This includes issues dealing with affairs or other types of betrayal.
The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in destructive patterns and resentment and all hope for change is lost. At a certain point we don’t even want change… we just want to be done.
The seven warning signs that a relationship is in trouble are:
1. Fighting has become the rule rather than the exception to the rule.
2. You find yourself looking outside the relationship for comfort, care, and understanding.
3. You can’t remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place.
4. There is little or no intimacy in your relationship — sleeping in different rooms or different beds, lack of interest, anger, and hostility so that intimacy is out of the question.
5. Spending very little time together, friends seem to be more important than your partner.
6. Reactions to situations are disproportionate to the content of the disagreement (i.e., feeling your partner doesn’t love you because she/he didn’t like the meal you cooked).
7. Feeling helpless and hopeless to change anything. Feeling done with the relationship, but unclear as to where to go and what to do. Feelings of anger, resentment, pain, and desperation are predominant.
If any or all of these describe you in your relationship, your relationship is in trouble and it won’t be long before something more drastic happens, such as an affair, arguments get worse and inflate with intensity, increased jealousy, silence for longer periods of time, and sometimes even physical and/or verbal abuse.
Before your relationship reaches that critical crisis point, look at the warning signs and do something before it’s too late:
Seek psychotherapy
Read books
Talk to a spiritual/religious advisor
Without help, the relationship will never get better with time; once a certain level of resentment, anger, and hostility hits, it will simply get worse and worse. Avoiding a total crisis and saving the relationship is done by knowing when you’re in trouble and taking immediate action.
Do you want to know how to get a girl to like you? You are not the only one wondering about that. Majority of men around the world are wondering how to capture the heart of the girl of their dreams the same as you. Exactly what is that that makes one of the most baffling of God’s creatures tick anyway? Here’s how to get a girl to like you:
Be yourself.
To get people to like you, you only need to be yourself. Fakeness is something no one enjoys. Not being who you really are is like sending out a warning signal. Honesty and integrity is a barometer of trustworthiness. If a girl can’t trust you to be yourself, why would she entrust you with her life?
Immerse yourself.
If you’ve always felt awkward when dealing with the fairer sex, do not fret. It may take some getting used to; but as with any brave exploit, practice makes perfect. Start with the basics.
Observe your own family. Take note of the interactions between family members of opposite sexes. If you’re very lucky to have been raised in a family made up mostly of women, then you’d at least have a working knowledge of how to act around girls. But if you’ve only ever interacted with male creatures your entire life, you’ll probably need to adjust to females more.
Try to interact with women more and try to be familiar with their ways. It won’t help to keep them at arm’s length just because you find them intimidating. Girls aren’t immune to bouts of low self-esteem, too. If you’re afraid to approach a girl, remind yourself that girls are stumped about how to get guys to like them as well.
Be nice.
“Nice” and “pleasant” mean two different things. Sure, you could be quite enjoyable to be around with, but do you actually go out of your way to be a decent person?
Help an old lady cross the street. Be a role model for kids to look up to. Be kind to animals. Being considerate to others, no matter the age, gender, or species, is sure to make any girl’s heart melt.
Of course, don’t do it just to show a fake demeanor. If all you’re after are the brownie points, your efforts will only backfire painfully.
Clean up your act.
Some females may find the bad boy types rather sexy. That, however, is no excuse for you to avoid taking a bath. A guy can be the most perfect Adonis, but you can bet the girls will dodge him like a dreaded disease if he stinks like a skunk.
Be a friend.
Yes, platonic relationships between people of the opposite sexes do exist. In some cases, pure friendship relationships can even lead to romantic ones. But whether or not you’d like to take it that far, keep in mind that girls weren’t put on earth to be chased after then to be captured like prize game.
There is a higher likelihood for her to enjoy your presence if you treat her with respect, listen to her intently, and be her support system when she’s not in her best element. Leave her with no doubt about your clear motives and don’t let her perceive that you’re only after one thing (and we both know no one’s ignorant what that is).
Just follow these simple steps on how to get a girl to like you and you’ll be able to get the girl of your dreams to like you.
Your female intuition is telling you that your man might be cheating on you, here are some tips to help you find out if he really is!
First how to tell if he’s lying: Ask him a direct yes/no question.
If he says ‘NO’ and there is a slight nod of the head (rather than a shake from L to R) he’s most likely lying. Similarly if he says ‘YES’ and shakes his head from side to side rather than nodding again lying. These head gestures are more indicative of the truth than the actual words. So look for a nod or a shake rather than a Yes or a No!
What happens when you accuse him of cheating?
Quite often when a man is a cheat and you confront him, his reaction will be completely over the top. He may accuse you or being completely insane and having a dirty mind. The reasonning behind this is to make YOU feel guilty for raising this issue and fearful of doing so again, and of course to make you doubt yourself. Evidence of cheating
Have you checked his/your joint phone records- are there are long,recurrent calls?
Look at receipts, are there any unusual lunches/dinners he never mentioned to you? Or worse jewellery gift receipts and it’s not your birthday for another 6 months!
When the phone rings, does he take it into the other room, even when there is no noise disturbance where you are?
Is he taking more interest in changing his underwear? Perhaps changing before he goes out and altering his habits regarding his appearance and hygeine. Is he coming home later than usual, does he smell of women’s perfume?
Is the other woman someone you know?
Is your best friend round a lot more lately when he’s home and less when he’s not?
Does your husband insist on giving her a lift home, and the journey takes longer than it should?
What is their body language like when they are together, fleeing glances, slight touches.
How does your friend react when you openly display affection to your husband? Does she look aggravated, does she make an excuse to get you to stop?
Does she seem annoyed with your husband?
These are just a few of the possible ways to tell if your man is cheating but the list goes on and on. Of course him following this pattern is no guarantee he is cheating either.
When you find yourself liking or disliking someone it is because you are picking up on the vibrations that person is emanating at that given time.
The sum total of the vibrations we send out at any given time are referred to by some ancient teachings as “states” of Be-ing-ness.
People who match our “state” at any given time make us feel good about ourselves. We feel a sense of ease around them. Those people who vibrate states opposite to ours at any given time make us feel bad or uneasy. The people who reflect back to us the “positive” aspects of our “state” at any given time are fun and exciting to spend time with and those who reflect back to us the “negative” aspects of our “state” at any given time give us much anxiety, unease, pain and stress. But we may find ourselves drawn to them because we need them to focus the light on where we need growth and maturity (if we are open to the opportunity for growth and maturity).
Our physical state
This is the sum of the condition of our physical body and everything we do to our bodies: food, exercise, grooming, cigarettes, drugs, sex etc.
Our bodies also take on, in physical form, the mental beliefs and emotional wounds we hold inside (anger, fear, guilt, shame, etc.). We’ve all seen people with faces fixed into permanent scowls, it wasn’t there when they were a child, what you are seeing is a terrible picture of their inner world. The physical state or appearance of our outer body sends out vibrations that are picked up by the person tuned (positively or negatively) to a certain kind of physical state.
Our mental state
This is the sum total of all our thoughts, beliefs, judgments, values, attitudes, receptive states, goals, day to day decisions, etc.
As we grow up, our unconscious identifications of who we are, what we believe in, what we like or dislike, what we hope for, what we fear, what we want etc. are shaped by our personal experiences and environmental conditioning. We tend to seek out and attract people who will confirm to us what we already think, believe, expect or want to know more about.
For example if we believe that all men do not like to be emotionally close or all woman do not like sex, the men or women we attract will respond to our subconscious belief and expectation. They will confirm that all men do not like to be emotionally close or all woman do not like sex. Or if we think and belief that we do not deserve certain kinds of people (out of our league), we will be attracted to people who will not notice us, will reject us or treat us like crap because this is what we expect.
Our emotional state
This is the sum of all our feelings and emotions past and present. Ironically, suppressed emotions operating at a sub-conscious level have a more powerful impact on our emotional state than our expressed emotions.
If for example you were denied affection or love as a child, you may sub-consciously fear that you will never really have love in your life. This sets up a vibration of desperation, of needing or lacking love in your life. You then attract people who do not reciprocate your feelings and end up longing, pining and clinging on the slightest sign of love or affection. You become a magnet for people who are vibrating on the wavelengths that bring you more rejection, self-pity, depression, sadness, hopelessness, more pining and more clinging.
Our sexual state
This is the sum total of our ability to reconcile our sexual desires, erotic impulses, thoughts, sentiments, and verbal and non-verbal expressions with our sexual knowledge, competence or skills.
Every look we were given, every word we were told, every touch we received, and every reaction we felt about our sexuality is remembered in our subconscious minds and in our bodies. This baggage from childhood manifests itself in how we experience ourselves as sexual beings.
If for example you struggle with sexual guilt, anxiety, embarrassment, distractions and feelings of obligation you will doubt that you can sexually please the opposite sex and unconsciously or deliberately create a “distance” between you and your sexual being-ness.
Sexual distancing can come in the form of belittling or down playing your sexual expectations and trying to rationalize your “negative” state with statements like “lots of people don’t have fulfilling sex lives, so its okay”, “who cares about sex, anyway?” or ” sex is often overrated, there are more important things in a relationship” etc. Distancing can also be in the form over compensation, where you are always talking about sex in a very graphical (detached) manner, being sexually promiscuous, reckless, aggressive or violent.
Because you are operating from a ‘negative” or disowned sexual state, you will in turn attract those people who will remind you of your helplessness, guilt, sense of sexual unattractiveness or inadequacy.
Our Soul state
This is the sum total of how we see ourselves in relation to others and in relation to all life and to the universe. This state has also been referred to as our natural intuitive state, our gut feeling, our knowing, our will power, our passion, the fire within, our depth of character, our ability to live in the moment, to embrace life etc.
Our soul vibration attracts those people who reflect the balance we have achieved internally. For example if you lack inner balance or have not found your “centre”, your place of knowing and will power, you will attract into your life those people who will tend to swing wildly from one extreme of chaos to another. You will find yourself constantly thrown from someone else’s chaos to everybody else’s chaos.
Our soul vibration is also the only kind of vibration that attracts or is attracted to people and situations that do not necessarily reflect our own soul vibrations but offer us the opportunity to grow. The soul senses that a union with certain persons can bring new possibilities for it to flow freely in love, truth and bliss and is drawn to that energy. These people and situations may not always be pleasant but we are drawn or attracted to them because of the spiritual lessons we will learn, if we are conscious, willing and capable of learning.
For example if you are in a place in your life where you are searching for your truth or your authentic self, (i) you will attract other people who are searching for their own truths, or (ii) you will attract people who have already been on that path and found what you are searching for, people who will help and support you through your own journey, and (iii) other times you will attract a person or persons who will lead you down the path of pain, hurt and suffering so you can come to your own truth and authentic self.
Our spiritual state
Our spiritual state is our LOVE-centre. These vibrations emanate from the part of us that is ALL profound love and unlimited compassion, joy and intimacy.
The good news is that we ALL have this capacity within us, everyone of us regardless of where you come from, whom or what you believe in, what you’ve done or not done in the past or what you will do or not do in the future. These are the vibrations that have the power to heal, to renew, to rejuvenate, makes us feel secure, inspires us, empowers us, to bring us closer true intimacy, to ecstasy, to Truth, to the Divine and to God. The problem for many of us is that we have so much mental and emotional “stuff” that is preventing us from vibrating from that place of unlimited and unconditional LOVE.
This process of attracting people vibrating at frequencies that match your own continues throughout your life.
Generally speaking, all healthy relationships require at least some measure of physical, mental, emotional, soul and spiritual compatibility. The important thing to remember is that we can pick up these vibrations all at once or at different stages of the relationship, at brief intervals or at intermittent times. More importantly, for attraction to translate into a relationship it has to be present for both parties – not just for you alone. But when you are not vibrating at your best state, you’ll have a hard time determining whether a relationship is abusive, damaging, or will work in the long-term.
The easiest way to make sure that you attract people who vibrate at the frequency that makes you feel complete physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually (and/or sexually) is to pursue your own self development. Commit yourself to deliberately duplicating the vibrations that bring you love, joy, happiness, sexual intimacy and commitment, and whatever else brings meaning, purpose and fulfillment in your life. When someone comes along they will reflect you and you will be vibrating at your best!
Have you ever had a friend describe a really ‘hot’ blind date for you, and you get all excited and eager to meet this wonder person only to come face to face with the person and zero, nothing, no sparks. The person is all that, but you are just not digging him or her.
Or have you ever found yourself so powerfully attracted to someone with whom you have nothing in common, and physically he or she is not even your “type” but he or she makes your libido sit up and howl?
Or may be you’ve been in a passionless and sexually dead relationship with your partner and suddenly you find yourself so attracted to your partner that you can’t keep your hands off him or her?
Two words – sexual chemistry.
Sometimes you instantly feel strong sexual chemistry with someone when you first see him or her and other times sexual chemistry can sneak up on you very slowly. You may like the person, enjoy their company, and you have a lot in common but that spark is missing – that special feeling isn’t there (he or she is just a friend). Then one day you come to the realization that you are very sexually attracted to him or her.
Other times, you feel the chemistry with someone and then when you get to know the person, the sexual chemistry and attraction goes away.
You can’t fake sexual chemistry…
With the tons of books on reading sexual attraction postures, gestures and facial cues, and even with all that “we know” about men-women dynamics, many men and women still can’t figure out if there is sexual chemistry between two people — or not.
We misread and misinterpret sexual signals because there are other energies emitting on the same frequency that tend to interfere with our ability to correctly read someone else’s sexual attraction body language. It’s like when you are trying to tune your radio to 98.1 FM, but your antenna keeps picking up another channel on a higher frequency range. There are sexual attraction signals that your conscious mind could never tell you, because these signals are operating at a higher frequency range (the sub-conscious range).
So what do you do? The answer: Always follow your sexual instincts…
The ability to utilize your intuition is a crucial factor in sexual attraction, since sexual attraction happens at the sub-conscious level. Because your body senses threat or danger before your mind does, your intuitive mind or gut feeling can pick up those aspects of sexual attraction which vibrate at a higher frequency range — and steer you to the right move at the right time.
Intuition not only helps you steer away from potential danger, it also helps you feel confident and wise, knowing that the tools you need to conquer the unknown and unknowable are always at hand. Discounting your own powerful inner feelings and relying on some “expert’s moves” destroys your own ability to think for yourself, and make correct judgments of people and situations.
You need this vital element if you are to be successful with the opposite sex. So trust your intuition/sexual instincts.
Except that there is an alarming exception. If your sexual antenna is weak or faulty or damaged, you will not be able to pick up these signals operating at a higher frequency range and as a result you will not be able to tune into the other person’s sexual wavelength.
Your sexual antenna is weak — when this is the case, you have a problem tuning into a man or woman’s sexual wavelength because your own sexual signals are not strong enough to set off sexual chemistry.
How can you tell that your sexual signals are not strong enough?
Every time you meet someone new conversation is good, you have much in common, you are so sexually attracted to him or her and things seem to be going generally well but the other person doesn’t find you attractive in a sexual way.
If you can’t connect on a sexual level, then there is no sexual chemistry, no sexual attraction.
Your sexual antenna is faulty — when this is the case, you have a problem tuning into a man or woman’s sexual wavelength because even though you are sending strong sexual signals alright, you are sending the wrong ones at the wrong time.
How can you tell that you’re sending the wrong sexual signals at the wrong time?
Every time you meet someone new conversation is good, you have much in common, but when you start getting all “sexual” the opposite sex look at you like “Ugh! Weirdo” if you are a guy. If you are a woman, guys think you are “easy and cheap” because your sexual energy is like all over the place.
Your sexual antenna is damaged — this just means that you are not tuning into the opposite sex’s sexual wavelength because you are not sending any sexual signals at all.
How can you tell that you’re not sending any sexual signals at all?
You are sexually invisible to the opposite sex.
So to pick up these signals operating at a higher frequency range and get sexual chemistry right, you must first make sure you sexual antenna is finely tuned, is sending out the right vibrations — and IS TURNED ON.
With practice, you’ll naturally be able to tune into someone else’s sexual frequencies and set off powerful sexual chemistry. It just becomes part of you, something you do without even trying.
You might also want to read my article “Why Do We Like Some People and Dislike Others?” for a little more insight into those other energies emitting on the same frequency and tend to interfere sexual attraction.
When Lovers wait too long to ask for help, the relationship may be beyond repair. The sooner help is sought, the better chance there is of recovering, saving and actually strengthening the relationship. This includes issues dealing with affairs or other types of betrayal.
