Relationship Tips

Feeling anxious around her is something troubling. It can keep us from doing some tactics in impressing or maybe seducing our date – be it a learned or practiced tactic. It makes us forget the things that we practiced or some things that we have planned to do. Nothing may happen in your date or it could turn into a total fiasco because of anxiety. Here’s a quick tip that will help you reduce that anxiety that you feel towards her.

From the title of the technique, you can almost guess how its done. Yes, this is the time to use your imagination. Simply imagine something specific about her.

For example, If you are square-faced. You can imagine that she’s totally attracted to square-faced men. Or if you’re wearing a black shirt or polo, try to imagine that its a total “turn-on” to her.

If she is particularly a redhead, imagine that her high school friends or school mates call her “Ginger.”

If you notice that she’s got some mannerism like adjusting her shirt more often, or fixing her hair with her fingers, run your imagination through them. You can interpret these mannerisms in your own way. So every time she adjusts her shirt could mean she’s feeling horny at the moment. Every time she fixes her hair with her fingers could mean that she wanted to attract or seduce you.

But before you get too excited in practicing, applying, or experimenting this powerful technique, here’s a reality check:

1. Remember that this is just a technique for you to reduce or avoid anxiety while you are around her. This is designed to boost your confidence. So these visualizations that you will have are for you alone to be aware of. These aren’t real in the first place. You wouldn’t actually give away your imaginations by calling her Ginger or assuming that she’s really into you. So be careful.

2. The above examples are just mere examples. The “Imagine that…” technique will be more effective if you apply it according to your own situation. As what the pickup artist said, “I call it ‘Imagine that…’ because you have to use your imagination to come up with your own unique visualizations.”

Every man on the planet should know how to approach women or girls. If you don’t, you are missing out on the first step for finding the girl of your dreams and maybe your mate for life. The way you approach a girl can make or break the your chances of having a date or simply just buying her a drink. Hopefully I’ll give you an idea or two on how to approach that certain someone special. I’ve had 20+ years on the dating scene, not to mention a great marriage to a beautiful woman. Yes we are still married after 19 years.

I’m no Romeo or Brad Pitt or what ever, but I know how to play the game. And it is a game. I’ve seen guys fail and succeed. It all comes down to the way the game is played. And if you get married and have kids you still have to play the game. It’s kinda like working out with weights, when you stop….the results stop! Same thing. I am convinced that is why 80 percent of marriages fail, the game stops. My game stopped after 6 years of marriage and divorced was filed at the big number 7. I did get back in before it was final and never looked back. I got back into the game.

Ok, Girls are used to getting approached, fact. Picture every other guy in the bar “If that’s the case” as white horses” You have to become the one and only black horse in the crowd. You must stand out. I’ve had 10 times more luck in “Bars” if I did not drink alcohol. I would drink water and chew gum. Sounds kinda dumb, but it put me in the right mind set. Give it a try.

Here’s a few short tips on approaching women. Remember guys, they’re not monsters…they won’t hurt you. “Well some will!”

First - Be confident when you approach them. But not too cocky! They can sense fear.

Second - Try to make good eye contact, but don’t stare them down. (And their Blouse is not their eyes!))

Third – Smile. Girls can’t resist a great smile and it gives off positive energy. If you don’t have a great smile, smile with your mouth shut, but smile- A lot.

Just like you set time aside to get your nails done or throw laundry in, watch sports, or play a round of golf, what ever it is that tickles your fancy, make and take the time to talk with your partner. Not just mindless table talk; carry on a real conversation that consists of more then simple yes or no answers or head nods and grunts. Ask open-ended questions that urge the person to have to respond more then a simple grunt. Example: Instead of saying, “How was your day”, say, “Tell me about your day”.

Open-ended questions generally start with “Why” “How”, or phrases such as “Tell me about, what do you think” and the most well known therapist used phrase “How does ‘this/that’ make you feel?”

Conversation does not and should not necessarily be forced, however when the opportunity arises do express how you feel the relationship is going. If you think there are things that could use some fine tuning mention them in a non-threatening manner while assuring your partner you are over all happy just feel as if things would “run” smother or your lives could benefit more if certain areas had a few adjustments made to them.

Be an active listener. An active listener can actually relay back what was said. Too often we just assume what are partner is going to say and can even find ourselves finishing sentences for them before they have even shut their mouth; that is not being an active listener and will shut another person down from wanting to communicate. You need to be patient and give your partner the time they need to express fully what they are saying. Reflect back to them what you think they are saying and wait for a response. If you find you have misunderstood what your partner was trying to relay to you, ask them to help you to understand better. If you are patient, your partner will want you to understand their viewpoint on matters and will try to help you understand their side. However, if you relay back to them what you think you heard them to say in haste your partner will shut down generally ending the conversation with a statement such as “Never mind, you don’t get it” or “You never listen to me. I don’t know why I bother even trying to explain myself”.

Pay attention to your partner’s non-verbal communication through body language (posture, hand, arm placement, eyes, facial expressions, gestures, etc.). Body language also includes tone of voice (silent sighs, pitch, ease of speech, disturbed speech patterns, etc.). Learn to read your partners body cues; it will help you immensely in distinguishing between a comment that was made in jest or more serious in nature as well as nip arguments in the bud before they become an all out screaming match. If you notice your partner is banging stuff around in the kitchen or garage, it is a pretty good indication there is a problem and intervention is needed in the form of communication before it either erupts or is shoved under the rug only to return later ten times worse. If you notice from your partner’s body language that they seem down, sad, or depressed, address it and the same goes for if you see your partner in an exceptionally good mood. It shows the partner that you are in tune with their needs and emotions.

As much as people want to think communication is just using words, it is not. Communication comes in many forms and there can be as much meaning behind something left unsaid as something said. In addition, touch is a huge form of communication. How we touch or do not touch our partner expresses how we feel. If a partner is always striking out physically, you can imagine how the receiver would feel.

Give your partner ample signs through affectionate touch to show them how much they mean to you. Not everyone is a touchy-feely type of person, however it doesn’t take much for you to occasionally reach out and touch your partners hand, or rub your hand across the top of their foot as they are reclined watching a ball game. A gentle rub on the shoulder while a partner is doing dishes or preparing a meal, or brief rub on the back while your partner is putting their shoes on before work are all great ways to connect and communicate that the partner matters in their life. Even when you fight, take your partners hands in yours, brush their hair back from their face, and express to them that although you are angry you still love them. Your advancement may be rejected but regardless the message did get through.