May 04, 2010
So many couples feel trapped in a relationship because of economic circumstances. Some are hesitant to start out on their own again because it will break up a family. Those considerations are certainly valid. If you feel trapped and need some advice on what to do some of these suggestions might come in handy:
1. If you are unhappy in a relationship things have got to change.
This one is a no brainer. Unfortunately, many couples get into a rut because they don’t know any better. Sometimes, it’s more comfortable to live with the status quo than to “stir things up”. A famous quote that you may have heard goes like this: “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.
Your choices really boil down to this: “Am I willing to live with the situation the way it is now for the sake of _____________ (you fill in the blank)? Most of us don’t realize how miserable other people around us are when we are miserable ourselves! Staying in a bad situation day in and day out eventually wears you down. Sometimes you just have to make the best of it and go on though. If that is your decision go on to # 2 below.
2. Relationship commitment-you have got to have it to stay together.
Often times, couples will make a half hearted attempt to salvage things. They are up one day and down the next. Anything less than being totally committed to reconciliation is doomed to failure. Your partner has to be just as committed as you are. If they have thrown in the towel before you even begin then your efforts will probably be in vain. Sometimes, it is wise to let your partner talk to a counselor, a trusted friend or family members on their own. If you have been talking to them until “you are blue in the face” it might be time to let someone else try to reason with them. It might be worthwhile to write down the things you need to work on together as a couple and look at it every so often. We tend to forget things and get busy. Keep this at the top of your priority list by reviewing your list frequently.
3. Unhappy relationships just have to end sometimes.
That’s just the reality. Breakup up should be avoided at all costs. Sometimes, you have done everything you could. There is no shame in that. One word of caution: make sure you consider the pros and cons of leaving before you actually do it. So many times people get fed up and just say “I’m out of here” without REALLY thinking about the consequences. The emotional toll that this exacts on everyone is not to be under estimated. Remember that other people are going to suffer too if this is the route you decide to take.
If your church has a support group or a recovery group take advantage of it. A therapist or coach can be extremely expensive. In the end, if you can save your relationship it is money well spent. It’s a start though if you are “unhappy in my relationship”. Last but not least, take a breather from each other and collect your thoughts if you need to. Go hang out in the mountains for a few days or pitch a tent next to the beach and listen to the surf. It’s amazing how much nature can solve the weighty problems that we all have in this life.
By Janice L. Anderson
