September 19, 2009
How To Build Strong Relationship Through Good Communication
Posted by: Parker Chuks : Category: Dating
Good communication is everything in all aspects of ones life. Without good communication skills, you are bound to deal with problems from relationships to work, and to everyday living situations. In relationships, the lack of good communication skills is the biggest leading factor to break ups. People generally think that cheating or financial reason are the leading factors that end relationships where the reality is if there had been slid communications skills in place from the beginning, issues would have been dealt with along the way before they escalated to the point where a partner was cheating or finances got out of control.Even relationships that are built off a strong communication base can become lax. Over time when couples get comfortable or life takes couples in different directions and stages in their lives, children, work, etc. communication can become lax and begin to start problems in what was once a very solid relationship. In order for relationships to survive the long haul, communication needs to be constantly nurtured and maintained.
Here are some tips to help you maintain a good communication base with your partner throughout your relationship.
Make and take the time to talk.
Just like you set time aside to get your nails done or throw laundry in, watch sports, or play a round of golf, what ever it is that tickles your fancy, make and take the time to talk with your partner. Not just mindless table talk; carry on a real conversation that consists of more then simple yes or no answers or head nods and grunts. Ask open-ended questions that urge the person to have to respond more then a simple grunt. Example: Instead of saying, “How was your day”, say, “Tell me about your day”.
Open-ended questions generally start with “Why” “How”, or phrases such as “Tell me about, what do you think” and the most well known therapist used phrase “How does ‘this/that’ make you feel?”
Conversation does not and should not necessarily be forced, however when the opportunity arises do express how you feel the relationship is going. If you think there are things that could use some fine tuning mention them in a non-threatening manner while assuring your partner you are over all happy just feel as if things would “run” smother or your lives could benefit more if certain areas had a few adjustments made to them.
Do not be a conversation hog. Learn to listen.
Be an active listener. An active listener can actually relay back what was said. Too often we just assume what are partner is going to say and can even find ourselves finishing sentences for them before they have even shut their mouth; that is not being an active listener and will shut another person down from wanting to communicate. You need to be patient and give your partner the time they need to express fully what they are saying. Reflect back to them what you think they are saying and wait for a response. If you find you have misunderstood what your partner was trying to relay to you, ask them to help you to understand better. If you are patient, your partner will want you to understand their viewpoint on matters and will try to help you understand their side. However, if you relay back to them what you think you heard them to say in haste your partner will shut down generally ending the conversation with a statement such as “Never mind, you don’t get it” or “You never listen to me. I don’t know why I bother even trying to explain myself”.
Non-verbal communication
Pay attention to your partner’s non-verbal communication through body language (posture, hand, arm placement, eyes, facial expressions, gestures, etc.). Body language also includes tone of voice (silent sighs, pitch, ease of speech, disturbed speech patterns, etc.). Learn to read your partners body cues; it will help you immensely in distinguishing between a comment that was made in jest or more serious in nature as well as nip arguments in the bud before they become an all out screaming match. If you notice your partner is banging stuff around in the kitchen or garage, it is a pretty good indication there is a problem and intervention is needed in the form of communication before it either erupts or is shoved under the rug only to return later ten times worse. If you notice from your partner’s body language that they seem down, sad, or depressed, address it and the same goes for if you see your partner in an exceptionally good mood. It shows the partner that you are in tune with their needs and emotions.
Affection
As much as people want to think communication is just using words, it is not. Communication comes in many forms and there can be as much meaning behind something left unsaid as something said. In addition, touch is a huge form of communication. How we touch or do not touch our partner expresses how we feel. If a partner is always striking out physically, you can imagine how the receiver would feel.
Give your partner ample signs through affectionate touch to show them how much they mean to you. Not everyone is a touchy-feely type of person, however it doesn’t take much for you to occasionally reach out and touch your partners hand, or rub your hand across the top of their foot as they are reclined watching a ball game. A gentle rub on the shoulder while a partner is doing dishes or preparing a meal, or brief rub on the back while your partner is putting their shoes on before work are all great ways to connect and communicate that the partner matters in their life. Even when you fight, take your partners hands in yours, brush their hair back from their face, and express to them that although you are angry you still love them. Your advancement may be rejected but regardless the message did get through.
In order to maintain a healthy strong relationship you have to communicate. Share this article with your partner so both parties are on the same page. It can help them to read your signs and help you to build better communication skills together as a couple. Moreover, it makes for a great start to a meaningful conversation.
