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June 08, 2010

How to Succeed in Relationships

Posted by: Parker Chuks  :  Category: Dating, Friendship

Most people assume Think and Grow Rich, the best-selling book by Napoleon Hill, is purely a program for financial freedom. But as Hill clearly states, true success involves much more than just financial success. Successful relationships are important in many areas including:
Personal relationships that give you the support and encouragement to achieve your burning desire
Working relationships that allow you to get maximum benefit out of the Master Mind group principle
Business relationships that enable you to succeed without sacrificing your ethics and morals
Before you start building a relationship with a potential friend, colleague or lover, you need to build one with yourself. Many people spend little or no time getting to know themselves and what makes them ‘tick’. But if you don’t know yourself how can you know the sort of people you will get on with? Finding out about yourself — practicing introspection — can be uncomfortable, which is why so many of us prefer not to delve too deeply into this area. You may find things you don’t like. Chances are that if you don’t like some aspects of your personality, attitudes or habits, neither will others.
The most successful relationships are between people who have common interests, values or beliefs. It would make life easier if we came with a list of these attached for anyone to read, like the ingredients on a packet of soup. Then it would just be a question of finding someone with the same set of ingredients, knowing this would lead to compatibility. The way we identify potential compatibility is by asking questions. Asking questions has two purposes. The obvious one is as a method of gathering information. Questioning is also a way of showing interest, of making the other person feel valued. And this usually produces a positive response.
For someone who lacks self esteem asking or answering questions can feel very intimidating at first. These aren’t difficult questions though — they’re about you so you do know the answers. And if you’re asking the questions it’s not difficult either. ‘Tell me more about…’ is often all that’s needed. Looking at the other person, nodding and smiling occasionally also help to show them that you value what they are saying. A few open questions can easily be the start of a lasting relationship.
It is never wise to try to be something you’re not, especially when you want to build strong relationships. Start off with untruths and you’ll spend all your time trying to remember what you said and living up to your fabrications. Unless you’re extremely lucky you will get found out, and your deception could destroy what might have been a great friendship. If there are aspects of yourself you don’t like, work to change them so you can form relationships based on honesty.
Strong relationships can weather good times and bad. It’s okay to have disagreements with friends, colleagues or lovers; in fact it’s unlikely you’ll agree on things all the time. Don’t let disagreements get out of hand though, or the relationship could suffer. Don’t ‘take your ball home’ — that’s what children do. Take responsibility for the relationship as an adult and discuss the problems so you can overcome them. If it doesn’t seem likely that you can resolve the situation you can agree to differ. But you must then ensure that you don’t keep bringing the subject up or you’ll drive a wedge between you.
Secure and successful relationships can be formed by anyone who is willing to work at them.
By Maggi Birtles
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May 11, 2010

How Relationships Can Reveal Who We Are

Posted by: Parker Chuks  :  Category: Dating

We have often heard the old proverb “birds of a feather flock together”. While this idea was around even before psychology became a subject, George Mead was one of the first social thinkers to propose a theory of the “self”. The basic idea was that the individual existed only in the context of a group. Ironically, we become individuals through our relationships with others. There are those who are close to us (significant others) and the faint acquaintances and strangers (generalised others).
Our relationships with our significant others tend to satisfy our needs more than our relationships with anyone outside of that group. The opinions and attitudes of our in-group tend to have a greater impact on us. Within the significant others, an intimate romantic relationship is typically at the apex. People expect to have the majority of their needs fulfilled in such relationships.
Intimate relationships tend to reveal who we are by reflecting our deepest fears, needs and desires. As a relationship grows in intimacy, it reflects our innermost realm increasingly. Relationships thus act as mirrors by facilitating greater self-understanding. Even from the outset, the type of people we seek as life partners reveal a great deal about our preferences, priorities and values. Then during the relationship, how we respond to and treat our partners would be determined by how developed and assured we are.
The process of projection is critical to understanding why relationships act as clear mirrors. When we project our feelings and desires onto another person, we tend to interpret that persons actions or behaviour in light of our latent needs. Dr. Gary Smalley discussed this at length in “The DNA of relationships”. Our feelings – about what our partner does or who our partner is should be fully-owned by us.
We should not blame our partner for how we feel. Our partner cannot make us angry, disappointed or hurt. This may seem difficult to understand at first, but it is reality. How we respond to our partners – and their behaviour or actions – is based on who we are. If we are constantly feeling negative emotions, it reflects that some our needs or expectations are not being met. Anger, for example, is viewed as a secondary emotion. The initial emotion tends to be fear or hurt. Anger is a defence mechanism such that when we are angry, it reveals more about ourselves than the stimulus that makes us angry.
The interaction we have with our partners are typically relate to needs, known or unknown, which are being met or left unfulfilled. Initially, the type of partners we seek, tend to reflect our personal values and priorities. We tend to seek the qualities that we believe would help us to meet those needs, make us content or complete us.
Sometimes, we get caught in a blame game that does not allow us to realise our own contribution to relationship problems. We blame the other person and claim that the other person is “too needy” or “too demanding” for example. We fail to acknowledge the fact that the partner may not be perceived as such in a previous or future intimate relationship with someone else. Since we cannot remove ourselves completely from the picture, it is logical to conclude that much of what occurs in an intimate relationship is, at the very least, a part-reflection of ourselves.
If we continue to grant power to our significant others, they would continue to reflect the aspects of ourselves that we don’t like or wish not to be reminded of. Only when we reclaim this power, something Dr. Gary Smalley refers to as the “Power of One”, we would be less bothered by the things that our partner may do (unless what your partner does is fundamentally insidious). The undeniable fact is that our selection process and relationship-handling abilities reveal a lot about the hidden or innermost aspects of ourselves.
By Darrell Victor
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May 09, 2010

How to Get Your Husband Back After Separation

Posted by: Segclick  :  Category: Breakup, Marriage

At this time you are thinking that your marriage is coming to an end, and then you should rethink this. A marriage can be repaired if you just decide to put some work into it. You need to know how to get your husband back after separation, then read this information, and it will help you in saving your marriage. As in all marriages, it maybe difficult to establish a level playing field to get a fresh start on repairing the partnership the two of you had, especially when the two of you agreed to go your own ways. When you decide to start working at this, then you will find the way to get your marriage to work the second time around.

Your first task is to get some patience before you start the task ahead. Remember that this was an alliance between you and your husband, so this may take time to correct some of these problems the two of you had. But as you learn how to resolve certain problems, it will help you to saving the marriage. At this time you want to be thinking for both of you after the separation. How to get your husband back after separation is to teach him that a second shot, you will have changed. If you know what the problems were and caused you and your husband to separate, now is the time to change things about yourself so you can avoid having these problems come back when you get your marriage back together.

You maybe hearing from friends all kinds of description of how to get your husband back after separation. These may have worked perfect for someone else, this may not work for you in your situation. Every ones marriage is not the same and you need to consider the condition your relationship is in and how it will affect it. All you can do is acknowledge what you have done and come up with a plan of action that will help you with a second chance. You need to keep talking to your spouse so you will know what you did wrong. You will need to step up an deal with what you did wrong and come to an agreement between the two of you want to make your marriage last.

It would be neat to seriously think about how to get your husband back after separation. It is only your responsibility to determine the appropriate steps to achieve this. Planning your actions is critical but you will have to make your partner believe he that the trust is back and every thing in the marriage will be better this time. If there where other problems between you two, you need to take care of with them before you and your husband have a great reunion.

The assistance you need is the “Magic of Making Up”, an outstanding e-book by T. Dub Jackson. In the in The art of making you will find some precise straightforward ways and methods that will teach you how to get your husband back. They are clear suggestions and right down to earth methods although some what alternative to help you to get your husband back in days – not months or years. The get husband back method is for people having an strong desire to find out ways and means to make up for their loss. They are no way black magic but works like magic to get your husband back.

That is why it is called The magic of making up, an e-book that can give you appreciates the true meaning of love fully rehabilitated and re-energized. This magic of making up lays down all the necessary ingredients and simple yet unfamiliar procedures needed to get your husband back.

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May 04, 2010

Dating Tip For Men – If She Thinks You’re Cheap, Dump Her

Posted by: Segclick  :  Category: Dating
When you had it like that, it was all good for you and your lady friend. That doesn’t mean you ran out and bought her a gold necklace on a regular basis or that you deliberately found the most expensive restaurant you could to the point the waiters knew you by your first name. But you did alright for yourself and by your date.
That was then, this is now. You have thankfully been able to hold on to your job while watching your coworkers get laid off and your benefits package get cut in half. Have you thought about trying to find a job somewhere else? On more than a few occasions but after doing some research you came to the unhappy conclusion that if you quit this one than you would have to take another one at far less pay. You have been cutting back enough in your personal life without having to entertain the prospect of taking home less money every couple of weeks.
So you grin and bear it. Things will pick up soon (we hope) but in the meantime you are going to have to make a number of sacrifices. And one of them is the area of personal finances.
Never been much of coupon user? That’s about to change dramatically. What about bargains? We all like them but it is not like you really ever went out of your way to find them. Not anymore.
Unfortunately this cost cutting does not stop there. It extends directly into your dating relationship. The days of going out and painting the town are still going to happen. However as you have calculated, they will not only be few and far between but more budget conscious. No you are not happy with it but economic reality is dictating the terms.
And the question in all this is how your lady friend will take it. A great many women are very prudent when it comes to economic matters. If you have a coupon for that eatery or can catch the early bird special, she has no problem with that; in fact she maybe the one suggesting you do so.
It’s hard to escape what is happening at this moment so going easy on your finances maybe her idea. She also may offer to foot the bill from time to time or at least pay half. Then there are the creative but inexpensive date ideas. Yes they are cheap but if done right they can add a lot of fun to your dating relationship.
But if she has grown accustomed to the life you have provided for her before this economic downturn and refuses to make any compromises or changes then you may have to sit down and take a long hard look at the relationship. She may decide to beat you to the punch and look for greener pastures elsewhere. If that happens so be it. In these tough times you need a partner not a burden. Tough times are the best times to test the mettle of a relationship. If nothing else she did you a favor by freeing you up to find greener pastures.
By Daryl Campbell
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May 04, 2010

Secret Of Dating

Posted by: aderemi  :  Category: Dating, Divorce, Marriage

The practice whereby a guy would go to a girl’s home to talk with her, meet her parents and possibly have some refreshments is called “calling”. In calling, there was parental involvement and gave the girl more advantage in the relationship. Because all contact took place in her home, she control the environment. She either accept or refuse a caller. But in dating, is a different thing entirely.
It was by the mid of 1920s that dating strongly took over “calling”. Now, in dating, the guy has a upper hand. He take the girl into the outside world and pay for the expenses of transportation, dinning and entertainment. In dating, money becomes the order of the day. For a man, money is proportional to better date, that is, the more money the man has the better date he could provide and the better girl he could get along with.
When it comes to relationships teenagers are always crazy, teenagers are in dilemma, hoping in anything and everything that promises fulfillment or happiness. In dating, everybody has somebody-a boy friend, a girl friend. Unless and until you have somebody, then you doesn’t belong, especially for those who are looked at as “cool” must have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
There is a confusion among the born-again teens, because most of the world, including majority of the born-again community, has already determined that dating is a “recipe to a complete teenage experience”. Most people date because they are being push into it.
But a true born-again sees the dating way with heart breaking and pit falls of temptations, a path that is not look at as safe to marriage.
BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES OF COURTSHIP
Both parents and children must put hands on deck to walk out means to return to the more biblical principles of courtship.
Courtship is a reformed version of dating under the supervision of parents between a man and woman who are ready to marry in the near future. Courtship prevents the pit falls of contemporary dating and give a much safer, smoother rite to marriage between the man and the woman.
DATING IS A PROBLEM
The number one problem of dating is that, it has a little to do with marriage. Dating does not have a destination, it is only made for fun. In dating, there is no guideline, you are just floating around.
Young people experience the romantic and exciting site of a relationship without responsibility or commitment through dating. Dating provides feelings of intimacy and create emotional “highs” especially when he says “I love you” but it has nothing to hold it together. Dating among teens is nothing to write home about, because most teens who date are not in the position to marry. The relationship could only result into physical temptation induce by emotional intimacy becomes the aim of the relationship. There are some couples that break up at this point and move on to a new relationship seeking the excitement of “falling in love”. This kind of dating is nothing more than recruitment ground for divorce.
COURTSHIP IS A REMEDY
Courtship has a definite planned destination, that is a lasting marriage. Courtship could only begin when one is ready for marriage in the near future. You only court a person who you and your parents have accept her quality and you date someone you have no long time interest in.
The decision of when young people are ready for marriage is one that should be reached with the help of parents and based on certain criteria.
Young people should prepare for marriage in three (3) practical areas such as: career and finances, fatherhood and home maintenance. The areas of practical preparation for girls are: home-making, teaching and motherhood. These criteria obviously exclude a great number of teens.
In courtship no broken heart syndrome which is associated with dating. The toughest thing that will ever happen to a lady is breaking-up with her. When you give someone your heart, it’s different the next time around. You want to get along but you doubt doing it because you don’t want to get hurt again. In courtship the couple can terminate the aim in a courtship relationship is not to achieve physical and emotional intimacy. Courtship relationship is not long term. Courtship needs only as long as it takes to get to know a person and determine if he or she has certain characteristics. If the qualities are not there, no reason to continue courtship.
ONE MAJOR PITFALL OF DATING
Dating takes place outside of the home. It is two people being along, isolated from the rest of the world and their goal is privacy. This results to isolation from family, God and friends. There is almost always a breakdown in a relationship with God even without your intention. This isolation often leads to sexual temptation. “Flee the evil desires of youth”, too much of staying together may lead’s to sin. Dating separates two people from the protection of DATING. The practice whereby a guy would go to a girl’s home to talk with her, meet her parents and possibly have some refreshments is called “calling”. In calling, there was parental involvement and gave the girl more advantage in the relationship. Because all contact took place in her home, she control the environment. She either accept or refuse a caller. But in dating, is a different thing entirely.
It was by the mid of 1920s that dating strongly took over “calling”. Now, in dating, the guy has a upper hand. He take the girl into the outside world and pay for the expenses of transportation, dinning and entertainment. In dating, money becomes the order of the day. For a man, money is proportional to better date, that is, the more money the man has the better date he could provide and the better girl he could get along with.
When it comes to relationships teenagers are always crazy, teenagers are in dilemma, hoping in anything and everything that promises fulfillment or happiness. In dating, everybody has somebody-a boy friend, a girl friend. Unless and until you have somebody, then you doesn’t belong, especially for those who are looked at as “cool” must have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
There is a confusion among the born-again teens, because most of the world, including majority of the born-again community, has already determined that dating is a “recipe to a complete teenage experience”. Most people date because they are being push into it.
But a true born-again sees the dating way with heart breaking and pit falls of temptations, a path that is not look at as safe to marriage.
By Benedict Solomon
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