Relationship Tips

Women are different one from another.  For a particular woman to be sexually attracted to you and want to be sexually intimate in a deep and meaningful way, she has to feel (often intuitively) that her individual sexual needs will be met by the sexual experience. She may even be attracted to you in all other areas but if her sexual instincts don’t pick up what she’s looking for sexually, forget about making love with her. She may keep you around for a “good friend” because you meet all the other criteria for a “great lover” but that’s as far as it gets. And if you’re in a relationship/married and you fail to “measure up sexually”, you’ll get too many “I’m not in the mood” and all the other “criticisms” of your sexual abilities almost every single time you try to get all hot and groovy.

So what turns her on? Again, women are different one from another, but there are some common needs that almost all women seem to share and things that turn them on big time:

1.  A man who makes her feel beautiful just for who she is — in and out of the bedroom.  One who does not just think “my woman is beautiful”, but makes his adoration known verbally and non-verbally.

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Often times women do not just know when to get out of a failed or failing relationship either because they refuse to read the writings on the wall or because they decide to play deaf and dumb. One cannot help but wonder why? Lots of times the guys do not come out to say a relationship is over but they give signs which a friend of mine, Kenneth says the woman is supposed to understand. Such signs he said range from not calling and not taking calls from the lady and in the extreme, avoiding the person totally.

Amazingly however, most ladies do not react to these signs as expected. Take for instance a school mate I ran into recently who was recounting her experience with her “boyfriend”, the boyfriend is in quote because personally, I think the relationship is over and she just doesn’t want to see it. Well maybe I am wrong but how do you  explain a situation where a lady claims to be in a relationship, they both reside in Abuja and yet see each other once in two weeks, did I hear you say he is busy with work? Oh! please wake up and smell the coffee, no man can be too busy for a woman he loves. Not only that, this lady does most of the calling and guess what, he does not always pick these calls and would not bother to return them and you know his excuse, he either left the phone in his car or at home while going to work.  The last time I checked, every phone has a way of recording missed calls which our dear lover boy would have seen and returned if he so desired. So, you see, he is tired and wants you out.

Tonia, another lady said, “I  was in this very wonderful relationship that each time I closed my eyes I always saw myself in a white gown and the guy in black suit or as the case maybe grey, which  means “the altar”, but after about two years into the relationship, the guy came home one day really depressed and when I tried to question him on the problem, he  said he had a dream where his dead mother was warning him to leave me or face an early death.”

Anyway, Tonia’s boyfriend later got married to another lady shortly after the supposed dream, she said. Wasn’t the guy trying to say something?

How about Tinuke whose fiancé, Henry  after six months  told her he had been wondering if marriage was for him, because according to him, his parents’ marriage was a disaster and he didn’t think  he could handle it. Concerned  Tinuke, instead of reading in-between the lines started counseling her fiancé .

“I even introduced him to my pastor who was supposed to help him overcome the marriage phobia, but before anybody could say Jack- Robinson, Henry ‘s wedding invitation cards were out which devastated me,” she lamented.

For Chioma, her case was different and I consider it the worst scenario, this is because the guy became very critical of her, nothing she did was ever good enough, all of a sudden.

“He was no longer pleased with my eating habit, my choice of clothes, music and every other thing, and although I tried to change just to please him, I couldn’t achieve much, because he still left me,”she said.

Apparently the love was gone and you know what? Chioma didn’t only lose Preye her boyfriend but her self –worth, because after several months of listening to such criticism you would definitely be affected. Now why let it get to that point when a guy who was once crazy about you begins to complain about everything, why don’t you pause and think carefully, he may be telling you something you know—like I am tired .Because believe me, Chioma would have been better- off if she read the writings on the wall and moved on.

Another bad case is when you let the guy blame you for the failure of the relationship. Take this case for instance, Sheila is in a relationship, she has tried everything within her power to make it work, she cooks for him, washes his cloths, cleans his house whenever he lets her visit because often times he does the visiting (wayo, wouldn’t you say) gives him money whenever he as much as complains of being broke, yet this boyfriend sees her only when it is convenient for him, at times once in three weeks or a month depending on how lucky she gets. And when she tries to find out the reason, the guy blames her, saying she isn’t doing enough.   Sheila is now to blame and what does she do? She intensifies efforts to please him. Sweetheart there is nothing you can do when love is gone.

Not forgetting cases of abusive relationships, where instead of the guy going into the ring to punch his fellow man and if possible win some money or even a medal he turns you into a punching bag? What are you doing there, isn’t it time to get out? Research has shown that love is selfless and accommodating, so believe me when a man loves you,  you won’t have to break your back or kill yourself to get his attention. Ever heard the line from a song that says ….The best things in life are free?

Ladies, don’t sweat it, be yourself and love will come to you but please be alert and read the writings on the wall. Know when to bow out, you know what they say, it’s good to leave when the ovation is loudest. Don’t wait until you lose your self- worth as it could be very dangerous.  Research has also shown that several ladies had to undergo rehabilitation of some sort to regain theirs. You don’t have to get there.